The beginning?

I decided to start this blog to journal my journey into motherhood. I am not claiming infertility but more awaiting a time to perfection. I named this blog based on a claim to victory. I am claiming victory to "this". And I plan to be a success story for others to follow.

So here is my story:
I have always wanted to be a mother. I wanted it all. The white picket fence, home, 2.5 kids, a good career, all of it. And although I almost had it all, life just cannot be that perfect. I found out I was pregnant in march 2011, and although I was nervous as hell, I was soo happy. About one week later, I started spotting. Went to see my OB but I just couldn't help feeling that this wasn't going to make it. I even saw a heartbeat at 6.2 weeks, but a week later, the weekend after Easter, there was no heartbeat. Just like that, my baby was gone. I cried, boy did I cry. I later learned that an old college housemate had lost her 7 year old son. Wow..to lose a child after 7 years was just unimaginable. It helped me to pull myself from my bootstraps and get it together. 7 weeks was nothing compared to 7 years. I thank God it wasn't at 7months.

I went through the painstaking choice of taking cytotec. A part of me felt that I was aborting my child although my mind knew that it was already gone. I took the pill, more so because I didn't want to risk losing my womb over my already lost child. I took the 4pills vaginally on April 4th 2011 @11:30 pm and oh boy. I felt like death 2 hours later. I had chills, excruciating cramps, diarrhea and vomiting and Motrin WAS not helping. I finally slept my way through the pain. Next morning, no baby, so had to take it again. Monday morning nothing but I was in soo much pain.

Saw my ob on Monday, and discusses a d & c, something I didn't want but the pain was so bad that I wanted to get this thing out of me. I got some narcotics and decided to give it another day. I slept like a baby, that stuff works. Next morning, plopp just like that, fetus was out. I felt such a sense of relief that I could no longer grieve.