Monday, October 15, 2012
My Angels
Today is Pregnancy and Infant loss Awareness day. Today I should have a 10 month old who is just developing his/her personality...or a 3 month old. I usually try not to dwell on the what if's. When my due date approaches, I don't sit and memorialize that day. To me, its just another day. Another day that I"m still battling this circumstance. I know that my 2 angels will be with me again. Instead of dwelling of the have nots...I spend most of my time thinking about what kind of mother I will be. I think about the things I will do with my kids, the places we will travel. It keeps me hopeful on a journey that can take away your total being. So on this day, I don't cry for my angels, I look forward to when I will finally meet them.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Moving Forward after a failed IVF cycle
Our 1st IVF was a BFN. I knew it would be because I'd tested on 9dp5dt. But there was a small part of me that was hoping that maybe, just maybe, we were too early. Maybe my embies implanted late. But no such luck. Neither one of them implanted.
That day, I didn't get a call until about 3pm. I am so glad I POAS before hand because I would have gone stur crazy. My RE called me. He is such a sweetheart. He called and left a msg for me almost every day since my retrieval. He wanted us to start for IVF#2 right away. He also wants to get another saline sono to make sure there is nothing going on with my lining that has been missed. I interjected and asked him about my right ovary. He said he wasn't too concerned about that and thought we could only focus on my left ovary. Hogwash....hell no we won't.
I've been looking back on my previous notes and realized that my right ovary is my dominant ovary. It is also where I had most of my mature eggs. Why the hell would I negate that. AND i'm paying for this OUT OF POCKET!!!! I definitely do not want to be cut again but i'm certainly down for a laparoscopy. He concurred and referred me to a well known MD in the area.
I met with the MD on Tues. So I am on board for both a lap and another hysteroscopy..hey I figured since he's going to be down there anyway...why not take another look-see to make sure all is well. I'm going into the next cycle with both guns blazing.
The only caveat..................his next appt isn't until the end of nov....phuck....If I decide go have the surgery, that means I cannot start IVF at least until mid-dec. Thats something I need to contend with. I'm going to go ahead with the surgery...I just have to make it through the next 2 months.
That day, I didn't get a call until about 3pm. I am so glad I POAS before hand because I would have gone stur crazy. My RE called me. He is such a sweetheart. He called and left a msg for me almost every day since my retrieval. He wanted us to start for IVF#2 right away. He also wants to get another saline sono to make sure there is nothing going on with my lining that has been missed. I interjected and asked him about my right ovary. He said he wasn't too concerned about that and thought we could only focus on my left ovary. Hogwash....hell no we won't.
I've been looking back on my previous notes and realized that my right ovary is my dominant ovary. It is also where I had most of my mature eggs. Why the hell would I negate that. AND i'm paying for this OUT OF POCKET!!!! I definitely do not want to be cut again but i'm certainly down for a laparoscopy. He concurred and referred me to a well known MD in the area.
I met with the MD on Tues. So I am on board for both a lap and another hysteroscopy..hey I figured since he's going to be down there anyway...why not take another look-see to make sure all is well. I'm going into the next cycle with both guns blazing.
The only caveat..................his next appt isn't until the end of nov....phuck....If I decide go have the surgery, that means I cannot start IVF at least until mid-dec. Thats something I need to contend with. I'm going to go ahead with the surgery...I just have to make it through the next 2 months.
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