Stims Day 6

Had my bw/us done yesterday. I'm progressing well. Still with 12 follicles, 7 measuring somewhere between 9, 11, 12, 13.  My e2 is 715 and lining 5.8mm.  I'm not too happy about my lining. I guess that would explain my light periods. I'm starting to believe that that may have been a cause of my miscarriages. My RE doesn't seem too concerned since it will continue to grow, and I'll be started on estrace and progesterone.  I also started cetritide last night and will be taking one vial each morning, my Menopur dose was increased to 225g nightly.

Tonight I had to give myself the injections in my car. I got off later than I expected last night so I didn't give myself the shots until 10:45pm, which is not so bad since i usually do it around 10, and I have an hour leeway. So picture this: me sitting in my car at DuPont circle with needles and vials...can you say crack head....not a good look.  People kept walking by and one Mexican just stood by the fence near my car, digging for gold in his nostril... "Hey, I'm trying to have a baby here, move". Anyway, I got the shots without incident and was thankful that I wasn't spotted by the police. Now that would have been interesting.

Back for more poking in the AM. I must say, so far so good with the shots. No bruising, no pain except with Menopur, and no side effects.

Stims Day 4 bw/us

I had my Day 4 bw/us today.  I was super nervous.  Mainly because I thought I screwed up the first dosing of my injectables and literally traveling with my meds ALL weekend. . I still to this day don't know why the 2nd vial of  menopur was liquid..oh well.  And I have this fear about menopause, and my period acting funny this month did not help.  I wouldn't say that I bled, but I had like bloody residue...like old blood or something coming out.  It was really weird.  I'm guessing it had something to do with starting BCPs later in my cycle...:shrug: I don't know.

Anyway, so you read all these stories about people not producing eggs with stims...blah blah..so I was a little worried. But low and behold, all is well. When I left the appt, the nurse told me she counted 10 follies, some around 8mm and 10mm.  I was SUPER happy.  I didn't expect them to be so big after only 3 days of stims.  I then got a call later in the, and there were 12.... That made me SUPER happy and my estrogen was at 233....YIPPEEEEE...I know that this is still very early and I have a LONG way to go...but i'm happy to still be in the running......I HAVE FOLLIES......

My next appt is in 2 days.  I'm to continue the menopur and gonal F at 150, no change.  Knowing that this stuff is working makes it sooo much easier to stick myself at night.  Although the menopur stings a bit, its a small price to pay...among all the other prices and the end result.  I've read that letting menopur sit for about 5 min after drawing it up my help.  So instead of doing drawing up gonal f firt, i'll try doing menopur first....

Today is the day...

I start my stims...Holy Cow...I thought this day would never come.  I wasn't too worried about it.  After all, people have been doing this for years.  Then the box came....Really???? that many meds????

My box of meds came on Tuesday and I must say I started to get scared. The amount of Meds that came was a bit overwhelming. I guess the pressure of it all just hit me. I mean everything, well almost everything, depends on these injections. And to top it off, I'm traveling today, so not only do I have to worry about Meds, I have to get through TSA, keep the Meds at least at room temperature, and do it in secret as I tend to my friend on her wedding weekend. talk about pressure. Luckily I have a doctors note.
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So I made it safe to my travel destination. TSA did not even notice the Meds, even on ice. SMDH. I decided to take the evening Meds at about 10pm. I figured this would be a good time with my work schedule. so we are driving around, and didn't get into the house until about 10pm. Mind you, I've decided to carry my Meds with me where ever I go this weekend so that I don't miss my time. I started to mix gonal f about 10:10pm. That was easy. Then came Menopur. So setting: at my good girlfriends house as she gets ready for her wedding weekend, lots of people, lots of noise, people calling my name, me with needle in my hand, first time doing this, not good. I did the first vile, then the 2nd vile was already liquid. I couldn't for the life I'd me understand why. It wasn't that way a minute ago, and i don't recall mixing it. Either way, i drew it up and injected. OUCH!! This one burns...I hope tomorrow will be better.

Where to begin....

So much has happened but yet nothing at all....

My first and only IUI was a bust.  It started out well with the first appt but when I went in for my 2nd appointment, it looked like I was already ovulating or about to ovulate.  I didn't even get to do my trigger shot.  I ended up doing back to back IUI, but did not work.  Since then I've been gearing up for IVF.  I have been trying to get my mind and body to a calmer place.  I went out of the country for two weeks, I've been working out.  Overall I've been feeling pretty good...

After the IUI, I/We decided to go ahead with IVF.  According to my RE, he thinks I may have some scarring around my tubes (although my HSG is clear), that may cause my tubes to coil at times, making it hard for Egg to meet sperm.  Ok...I can bite.  He also said he'd like to put me on lovenox when I get a BFP.  He thinks I may also have some scarring from my myomectomy, and given my MTHFR, he thought it would be a good precaution.  Ok..... I'm not really biting the scarring of my uterus especially since the doc who did my hysteroscopy told me no when I asked.  But...ok, I;ll take a small bite.  After all, the end goal is to bring home a live baby...What I have to do to get my body there is really not a factor.

I decided to apply for their 100% shared risk program...I was DENIED!!!!! I couldn't believe it.  Although it cost a pretty penny, I was DENIED!!!!!  This hurt to the core.  Because it made me feel that they couldn't guarantee me a take home baby.. WTF do I do now?  After all, the RE recommended I do that. I spoke with him, and although my repeat SHG showed a clear uterus, he said his partners felt that the risk was too high given my h/o myomectomy and borderline ovarian reserve.  Hmmmmphhhhh.....I see...

I was devasted and almost cancelled the start of my cycle.  But after careful thought...I figure, screw those partners...I was able to get pregnant 2x on my own in 6months.  Now that my uterus is clear, I can surely do this.  Hubby also put a great spin on it, saying, thats less money we have to pay for the same result                --->sometimes that man can drop some knowledge.  So I decided to go ahead with it. 

I started BCPon august 7.  I will be on this for 7 days.  I am starting the antagonist protocol.
Was suppose to have my injection class yesterday, but unfortunately got there late due to traffic.  But I did get to speak with a nurse just to clear up some questions.  She actually said I didn't need the class since i'm a medical professional.  I'll also be doing all my injections myself since DH is away.  I also made the payment for both my cycle and the meds...YIKES....

I must say that I'm pretty excited about this process.  I KNOW that I will be a mother.  I PRAY that it is on my first IVF/FET cycle. 

In the past, I've dwelled on they "why me". But after alot of self evaluation....I now ask myself "why not me?".  Grant it, I wouldn't wish this on myself or anyone else.  But going through this process will definitely make me a better mother, because I know that the road wasn't easy.  It has helped me to prioritize what really matters in life. Although my insurance doesn't cover IVF or meds...I'm thankful for the ability to be able to afford this cycle.  I'm also thankful that I live in a state that has mandatory IVF coverage (although I work in a state that doesn't), in the event that this doesn't work, I will have the opportunity to obtain employment in my current state.  SO with all the said...I am blessed beyond measure and that is what I am choosing to focus on. 

My pre-IVF labs/US in on 8/20/2012 and i'm scheduled to start stims on 8/31/2012 with ER ~ 9/12 and ET ~9/15 or 9/17.  I pray this ride isn't too bumpy. 

4dpiui

Today is 4 or 5dpiui. Last week was definitely an experience. I went in on cd12 for monitoring. During my cd3 visit I let nurse k know that I tend to ovulate early on my left side. She said with comid that should not be a problem. So I go in on cd12 and guess what, no measurable follies. They saw 3 on each side. My LH was 14.8 and e2 was 707. Uh oh...im ovulating. Went back on cd13, it was confirmed that I had a collapsed follicle, so definitely ovulated. E2 was 482, progesterone 1.49 and LH 56 with lining of 6.1mm. According to dr. K, I should fully ovulate within the next 12-24 hours. IUI was scheduled for the next day. Duh, why can't I get it today???? So he was like..."good idea". So I was sent to get my IUI that day and then the next day. Very uneventful. I started Estrace to help with my lining, and of course progesterone. I go back on June 8th for my test. I'm going to poas before then. I'm feeling ok so far. My nipples are super sensitive and I'm having some cramping. Not reading too much into that because of the meds I'm on. I knew I was ovulating early because of my cm (has ewcm for the first time since my last preanancy)and bd before hubby left for school so hopefully that was enough to cover my bases. Last night I got a letter back from my insurance company denying my appeal for fertility tx. They are standing by their one year. I'm now scared because if I get pregnant before nov 2012, and God forbid I have another mc, my year starts all over again, so this cycle is bitter sweet. But nov is around the corner, so if this cycle doesn't work, I'll hold off until oct/nov to get approved. And to top things off dr. K thinks I have scarring around my tubes which may impede the sme, signifying that I have a better chance with IVF. Argggghhh....I just need to be patient. I'm so damn close. I'm trying to let go and let God...

IUI #1 - CD 12

went in for my first monitoring since starting clomid.  He saw 3 follies on each side although I didn't ask sizes because I figured I'd ask nurse K when she call with my labs.  Soooo...it seems that I may be ovulating/ovulated.  I kind of knew this would happen because last month I ovulated early and told RN K this, but she assured me that coming in on CD 12 would be ok.  hmmmmm...So my E2 was 707 and my LH was 14.3.  My lining still on the thin side. The plan is that I go in in the AM, repeat labs and US with progestering to see if i'm on the rise or i'm coming down, and then IUI on thurs/fri, no trigger.  Not really sure how I feel about the possibility that this cycle may be tanked. I am trying not to get too overly obsessessed/stressed about this process.  RN K said I should be fine but i'm not so sure.  I guess I'll find out in the AM.

Too Blessed to be Stressed...

This is what I have to keep telling myself.  My self rx natural cycle was a bust.  It's gotten to the point were I am not expecting a BFN, although I"m hopeful, such an oxymoron.  Then I got all down in the dumps.  I also found out that one of my co-workers was pregnant, 11 weeks, then I got even more down.  EVERYONE is pregnant.  But then I had to reel myself in.  She had a 2nd trimester loss, then a preterm delivery.  She has been through it, so if this came easy for her, then its a blessing she deserves.  This made me re-think, kinda, how I view pregnant women.  No one knows of the persons struggles to get pregnant.  When i get pregnant, no one will know what I went through, except for may 1-2 ppl. So with that I humble myself and I'm grateful.  I am grateful for the ability to get AF, because that means I have another month to try.  I am grateful for a supportive husband.  I am grateful for a good career, where I can pay for IUI cycles until my insurance covers it.  I am grateful to have insurance that covers IUI/IVF, even though its only after a year of TTC and at 50%.  Everytime I get down in the dumps, I have to remember that I am still able and for that I am grateful.