This is how I've felt over the last 2 years, over my 2 miscarriages, and my many failed ART attempts. How does one love someone so much that doesn't even exist? How do you miss something so much that you never even had? Life is crazy like that and although I do not cry those unrestrained tears anymore, I do still mourn. I guess I've begun to feel numb. I am not giving up, but I'm trying to figure out how to co-exist...Co-exist with my desire to be a mother and just being happy because I am blessed. I think these days i'm doing much better. I have my beta tomorrow and I really don't feel like going in.. Whats the point? I think I may cancel it. I don't want to think about shots or RE for awhile. My personal life has been in an uproar, but a good friend of mine reminded me that I am in charge of my life, so I have to take control of it.
| It matters not how strait the gate, | |
| How charged with punishments the scroll, | |
| I am the master of my fate: | 15 |
| I am the captain of my soul. |
So where do I go from here.....I'm going to try naturally for awhile....I'll be back to temping and OPK's
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