IUI #1 - CD 4

Today is CD 4.  I had my monitoring cycle for my first IUI.  Urggghhhh...Since my insurance will not cover it until one year after my m/c, we will be covering this out of pocket.  I had a pregnancy test done.  Dr. K did my US.  He saw 5 follies on each ovary.  He also said that he thinks I have scarring around both my ovaries which may make sme a little difficult.  He said, my best bet is IVF..He mentioned something similar of my left ovaries with my last monitored cycle.  I guess this may be why its taking me so long, because otherwise, I think we time BD pretty well.  Anyway, can't be down about it. Not much I can do.  I told him about the letter/appeal I wrote to the insurance company and asked him to also send a letter. He said he will.  SO hopefully that will cause them to change their minds, if not, then december it is. I paid my little pennies and went about my way.  We are doing a clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle.  I will be taking 1/2 pill of clomid from day 4 until day 8.  Will be back for CD12. Lets get going follies!!!!

Urghhhh...

Feeling kind of blah today...So much going on but yet nothing at all.  This month I O'ed early.  I got a + OPK on CD 11. I think when I O on my left its earlier then my right because last month it was around CD 17ish.  I really hope we caught the egg.  I don't want to do IUI, especially since we'll have to pay for it.  And DH will be going away in 3 weeks...URGHHHHHH....I wrote an appeal to the insurance company regarding their definition of infertility and  the revised definition, stating its 6months for women 35 and older.  I'm going to my god daughters birthday party this weekend.  She's 2.  A good friend who is about 8 months pregnant will be there.  I haven't seen her in forever.  I'm not sure how I'm going to feel seeing her pregnant.  I would have been 6 months pregnant this month and although I try not to think about it, every AF and every O date causes me to revisit my lost.  Another good friend of mine is getting married and wants to start trying now.....I'm not sure how I would feel if she got pregnant before me.  See she was one that was always saying "if it happens it happens" and if they have difficulty, they wouldn't seek any help.  Now all she talks about it baby this and baby that.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wish this on any one, but it still doesn't stop it from stinging.  I know I have to be patient and be faithful, and although life is good, it feels so incomplete without a child. There is a certain sadness that I can't overcome and no one really understands, not even DH. People ask me when we are having kids, and I casually brush it off.  I don't want to be snarly and say, we are trying because I don't want the stupid things that comes out of peoples mouth, or any pity as if i'm fragile.  I pray this is our month...AMEN!!!

Official BFN

Beta came back...it was <1...LOL..Thought that was a little funny...since <5 is negative, meaning irrevocably, positively, I am NOT pregnant...I'm ok.  Got out of my little funk.  I"m glad I did POAS before hand. My prolactin level went from 25.5 to 3, now i'm low.  I need to find out if I should continue to take it.. Probably not.

SO now, the question is, "what to do next"?  I'm still in limbo about this whole insurance thing.  I think I will appeal the denial, so plan on sending a letter this weekend regarding need for treatment given my age. 

In the meantime, the question is...do we try naturally? or do we pay for IUI.  Hubby will be moving to NY in about 6 weeks.  SO technically we could try on our own until he leaves, then begin IUI.  That would probably be the more financially smart thing to do, or should I start now.  NOw that I think of it, i'm leaning more towards trying naturally until he leaves, then starting IUI if needed in June.  I'll talk to him about it tonight and see. If anything, we can do the SMEP. Until then...I'm still hopeful.

Defeated

That is how I am feeling right now. POAS today and nada. It's amazing how BFN's make you feel. It's almost like a lost all over again. You calm yourself knowing the chances, but it doesn't matter. You still fall just as hard. I know that I will be a mother, but when. When will I get to see another BFP? When will I ever get to see a baby bump? When will I get to see my baby on US? When will I get to feel by baby kicking? When will I get to come home with my baby and be so exhausted from her crying all night? The things that people complain about, I would give anything to have. The morning sickness, the big belly, the swelling feet, the fatigue. I would take any of it for a healthy baby. My official beta is in 2 days and we will go from there. Likely will be doing an IUI. But today, I feel so defeated.

I cheated

So I cheated.  I said I wasn't going to test until the 13th, but ooopsi. I actually had no intentions of testing but I was curious to know this whole Ovidrel/HCG phenom, esp since I was a little nervous about doing it right initially.  My first test was on tues,  7 days after taking the injection which was negative.  Felt a little bitter sweet about that, because it either meant it had cleared by system, or I didn't do it right.  After searching on line, I read that with the 250 mcg, it can leave your system within 7ish days so I felt better. 

Then I was having some crampy like sensation, as if AF is coming, now really strong, but still present.  My boobs look a little fuller and since I have ALL ACCESS to preggo test at work, I decided to take one this AM when I got to work, which was NOT the FMU and was using a cheapo.  Needless to say it was BFN :-(.  No worries.  I 'm still hopeful. This is technically DPO 9 if I O'ed 2 days after Ovidrel

I think I felt the urgency to test because of this whole insurance crap.  Dr. K's office called. they said basically they would have to eat the 50 % cost because I never signed a waiver if insurance doesn't pay.  She also send over an application for the shared risk program, which I likely don't qualify for due to income limitations.  There is however a general IUI feefor $1600 per cycle, not including meds..  Thats a little better to swallow.

I called my insurance company yesterday and wanted to know how they reconcile the clinical definition with their definition of one year, without an age break down, ie..infertility is defines as no conception x 1 year for those under 35, and 6 months for those 35 and older.  They told me all the claim had on it was habitual miscarriage, and thats why it was denied.  They said the doc can call and do a "peer to peer review" and get it approved.  AND since i'm almost maxed out at my out of pocket max, all covered services would be 100%.  YAY!!!!!

So no more testing until...????

Hate Insurance Companies

I got a call from Dr. K's office to "discuss my insurance".  Apparently, my insurance denied the claim  for my timed intercourse cycle citing some BS about I don't meet the "infertility" category, which is being unable to conceive after one year of trying.  Are you f'ing kidding me.  What is that difference between able to conceive and miscarry vs.  not able to conceive at all.. At the end of the day...we all have NO BABY!!!!

Here I was, breezing throught my 2ww easily.  Now I have to actually consider the possibilities if this didn't work.  I always thought that IVF was kind of cute.  But knowing what I know now, I just want to get knocked up, stay knocked up and deliver a healthy baby.  I don't want to have to  pay an exuberant amount of money for it.  I am soo pissed off.  My Zen has now been shaken.  This wouldn't be so bad if DH wasn't going out of town soon.  Then I could just casually TTC.

Wooosaaahhhh......I am still faithful and will not let this little bit of news deter me.  The office will be filing an appeal for it and I KNOW it will work...

7 more days, but who is counting :-)

one down, two to go

Just found out this weekend that my girl Kiki is pregnant. I am soo happy for her.  She is 9 weeks.  Wishing her a happy and healthy 9months

As for me...i'm still moving on.  the 2ww hasn't been too bad.  I haven't really thought about it much, or rather its more of a fleeting thought. I will be testing in about 10 days, well rather 9 for me.  Until then, I have so much to do.  I have picked up a couple of extra work shifts this week, I'm hosting a going away party for my girl this weekend and then next week, my step daughter will be coming...and when i'm not doing all that, I will try to get some sleep or catch up on tivo...So busy busy busy...

I have had some mild cramping...nothing much else.  Not reading into symptoms or anything..Just going with the flow.  Wow how i've changed. I remember a year ago, check on ff for every twinge I had.  This time, i'm like..hmmm...ok..was that a cramp...LOL..+ vibes all the way...