Urghhhh...

Feeling kind of blah today...So much going on but yet nothing at all.  This month I O'ed early.  I got a + OPK on CD 11. I think when I O on my left its earlier then my right because last month it was around CD 17ish.  I really hope we caught the egg.  I don't want to do IUI, especially since we'll have to pay for it.  And DH will be going away in 3 weeks...URGHHHHHH....I wrote an appeal to the insurance company regarding their definition of infertility and  the revised definition, stating its 6months for women 35 and older.  I'm going to my god daughters birthday party this weekend.  She's 2.  A good friend who is about 8 months pregnant will be there.  I haven't seen her in forever.  I'm not sure how I'm going to feel seeing her pregnant.  I would have been 6 months pregnant this month and although I try not to think about it, every AF and every O date causes me to revisit my lost.  Another good friend of mine is getting married and wants to start trying now.....I'm not sure how I would feel if she got pregnant before me.  See she was one that was always saying "if it happens it happens" and if they have difficulty, they wouldn't seek any help.  Now all she talks about it baby this and baby that.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wish this on any one, but it still doesn't stop it from stinging.  I know I have to be patient and be faithful, and although life is good, it feels so incomplete without a child. There is a certain sadness that I can't overcome and no one really understands, not even DH. People ask me when we are having kids, and I casually brush it off.  I don't want to be snarly and say, we are trying because I don't want the stupid things that comes out of peoples mouth, or any pity as if i'm fragile.  I pray this is our month...AMEN!!!