A year ago...

A year ago today, I was pregnant
A few days later, I found out we were having a miscarriage...AGAIN
It's been a year since I saw a BFP

On the eve eve of thanksgiving, I wonder what I should be thankful for. Yea yea yea...I know I should be happy for my life, health, family, friends, roof over my head and food....blah blah.
And I am thankful...but all that I have does
not take away the ache of wanting a baby.

I sit at home daily wondering what my purpose in life is. I've become a virtual couch potato. DH is not here, so I have no motivation to cook, clean, nada. I come home from work and just plop my butt on the couch until I do it again the next day. I try to do things, like travel, volunteer, socialize, and its a great distraction but it still doesn't take away that need. I was watching Giuliana and Bill, and he said:

"We can't base our happiness on whether or not we are pregnant"

But how does one move on from that??? I'm by no means given up. I had a repeat sono last week and my uterus looks great. My RE believes that I will have a baby, but the question is when. Ill be going to NY for turkey day, and can you believe I'm ovulating days before. Just my luck but all is not lost. I'm having my lap in a few weeks and hubby will be home that week so hopefully, we get to trying naturally.. How amazing would that be. If not, ivf cycle in jan. at least this time, I hope to get to my right side for more eggs. I'm hopeful, just impatient.

Until then, I'm grateful for not having any miscarriages in 2012 :-)